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Can Your Teen’s Perfectionism Be Unhealthy?
As a parent, you naturally want the best for your child and you want to see them succeed. However, while we all know that it’s impossible to be perfect, some teens may feel external or internal pressure to achieve the impossible. Unhealthy perfectionism is different from healthy striving and achievement, because it means that a teen places unrealistic levels of expectation on themselves to be perfect and flawlessly accomplish tasks, goals, and activities, which is not only impossible, but detrimental to their wellbeing as well.3 It’s not a bad thing when your teen wants to achieve goals and be the best that they can be, but this doesn’t mean that they need to or should be perfect. A teen’s desire to be perfect and unwillingness to make mistakes can lead to excessive stress, anxiety, and negative self-talk. Perfectionists can also experience increased social disconnection, have pessimistic reactions to failure, and feel as though they cannot satisfy themselves and others.1Signals & Indicators of Unhealthy Perfectionism in Your Teen
Some of the signals and symptoms of unhealthy perfectionism include:4- Holding unrealistically high standards of achievement.
- Seeing mistakes as failures.
- Becoming angry or anxious about mistakes.
- Feeling like an imposter.
- Being excessively concerned with what others think.
- Self-doubt.
- A lack of satisfaction with achievements/feeling like they constantly need to improve.
- Feeling insecure and an excessive need for validation.
- Critical self-talk.
- Hypercompetitiveness.
- An excessive need for control.
- A tendency to constantly compare themselves with others.
- A fear of judgment.
- Binary thinking, i.e. everything is black or white, good or bad, with no healthy middle ground.
Everyday Stressors Your Teen May Be Experiencing
The teen years can be exceedingly stressful. As their cognitive and emotional development is ongoing, teens don’t always have the inner resources to effectively cope with the demands of daily life. Some of the everyday stressors that teens might experience include:5- Academic demands.
- Social media.
- Negative thoughts or feelings about themselves or others.
- Bodily changes.
- Family issues.
- Friend or relationship concerns.
- An unsupportive community or living environment.
- Engaging in too many extracurricular activities.
- Financial worries.
- Physical health conditions.
The Negative Effects of Peer Judgement & Being Self-Critical
Teens are naturally influenced by peers, because they want to fit in, be accepted, and do what others are doing. When they feel judged by peers, they can experience disconnection, excessive pressure to conform, and unhealthy levels of stress. Self-criticism further compounds these concerns and can lead to various negative effects, including physical ailments, mental health problems, and a lack of healthy coping skills, such as social withdrawal or substance misuse.5Emotional & Mental Health Implications
Perfectionism can have a detrimental effect on your teen’s emotional wellbeing and mental health, as mentioned previously, leading to various problems and an overall inability to cope with the demands of everyday life. According to pediatrician Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, teen perfectionism can be counterproductive, interferes with the goals your teen wants to accomplish and their future success, and places your teen at risk for a range of disorders, such as:3- Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
- Eating disorders.
- Anxiety.
- Depression.
- Suicidal thoughts.
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The Risk of the Self-Medication & Destructive Paths
Teens who develop negative mental health effects due to maladaptive perfectionism may attempt to self-medicate their symptoms with drugs or alcohol, which can increase their risk of substance use disorder.1 While substance use may temporarily alleviate certain mental health symptoms, such as depression or anxiety, it can lead to a dangerous downward spiral if left unaddressed. As a teen continues to use substances, their bodies can develop dependence, a physiological adaptation that means that they need more of the substance to experience prior effects.6 When they try to stop using the substance, they can develop withdrawal symptoms that can make it even harder to stop and, in many cases, leads to relapse.6An Action Plan for Parents
If you’ve noticed the signs and indicators of unhealthy perfectionism in your teen, it’s a good idea to take action and have a discussion about your concerns. Here are some of the steps you can take to help your teen avoid the negative consequences of maladaptive perfectionism and develop healthier coping skills.Intervening Early On
Addressing the signs of perfectionism early on is important, because the longer a pattern continues, the more entrenched it can become. Sit down with your child and ask them how they’re feeling, let them know what you’ve observed, show your love and support, and let them know that you’re there to help.Creating Healthy Achievement Patterns
Let your teen know that they should try their best, put in the necessary efforts, and accept the outcome. If it’s not the outcome they expected, help them find constructive ways to do better next time and look for creative solutions. Explain that it’s OK for them to make mistakes, and that failure is a necessary part of the growth and learning process. Help them view failures as temporary setbacks, not permanent judgments on who they are as a person.Reinforcing Balance & Healthy Habits
It’s important to help your teen cultivate a sense of balance in their everyday life and learn healthy habits, such as self-care. Sit down with them and examine their daily schedule and determine whether there are activities that could be cut out, whether there’s enough of a school/home balance, and whether your teen has sufficient time to sleep, relax, and just be. Extracurricular activities are healthy and helpful, but perfectionist teens often have a tendency to overextend themselves and might not know when it’s OK to say no.Setting Healthy Expectations
Sometimes, teens who are perfectionists feel internal pressure to succeed, but it can also be coming from external sources, such as unrealistic parental expectations. Help them develop a growth mindset by letting them know that you only expect them to put in their best effort, not achieve impossible standards.Our Locations
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If your teen is struggling, we are here to help. Our specialized adolescent programs provide comprehensive medical, therapeutic, and educational support to foster long-term recovery and personal growth. Our staff is available 24/7 for a free and confidential call to answer your questions, listen to your concerns, and help point you in the right direction.
Please call us at 1-888-483-1517, or visit our admissions page to learn more about how to get your teen the help they need and verify your insurance. Hope and healing are possible, no matter how things might seem at the moment.
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Disclaimer: Does not guarantee specific treatment outcomes, as individual results may vary. Our services are not a substitute for professional medical advice or diagnosis; please consult a qualified healthcare provider for such matters.
- Patock-Peckham JA, Corbin WR. Perfectionism and self-medication as mediators of the links between parenting styles and drinking outcomes. Addict Behav Rep. 2019;10:100218. Published 2019 Sep 9. doi:10.1016/j.abrep.2019.100218
- Hewitt PL, Caelian CF, Chen C, Flett GL. Perfectionism, stress, daily hassles, hopelessness, and suicide potential in depressed psychiatric adolescents. J Psychopathol Behav Assess. 2014;36(4):663-674. Doi: 10.1007/s10862-014-9427-0.
- Ginsburg, K. (2024). Perfectionism: How to Help Your Child Avoid the Pitfalls.
- Molnar DS, Blackburn M, Tacuri N, Zinga D, Flett GL, Hewitt PL. “I need to be perfect or else the world’s gonna end”: A qualitative analysis of adolescent perfectionists’ expression and understanding of their perfectionism. Can Psychol. 2023. https://doi.org/10.1037/cap0000357.
- American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. (2019). Stress Management and Teens.
- Becker JB, Perry AN, Westenbroek C. Sex differences in the neural mechanisms mediating addiction: a new synthesis and hypothesis. Biol Sex Differ. 2012;3(1):14. Published 2012 Jun 7. doi:10.1186/2042-6410-3-14.