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Why Does My Teen Seem to Hate Themselves?

Worried your teen hates themselves? Learn about the warning signs, hidden triggers, and ways to foster a healthier self-image. Professional help is available.

What you will learn:

We Specialize In Adolescent Treatment

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Adolescence can be a tumultuous time filled with emotional, physical, and psychological changes that can cause teens to struggle with their self-concept and identity. However, not all teens manage these changes in the same way, as some can develop unhealthy, negative ideas of who they are and may even seem to hate themselves at times. Multiple factors, such as social media and peer pressure, can play a role in how your teen feels about themselves, but luckily, there are steps you can take to combat these negative influences.

Guardian Recovery understands the challenges of adolescence for both teens and families, and we are here to support you and your child. Our teen rehab provides expert behavioral and mental health treatment for a variety of issues, including depression, anxiety, trauma, and substance use, in those aged 13-17. If your child is struggling, please call us any time of day or night at 1-888-483-1517 for a free, confidential assessment and discussion about your teen’s situation.

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Visible Signs Your Teen is Struggling With Self-Worth

If you suspect that your child is struggling with low self-worth and a lack of self-esteem, you may want to help but not know what to do or where to turn. Developing awareness of the signs that could indicate self-hate is the first step in taking charge and helping your teen develop a healthier self-image and sense of self-worth. 

These signs are often behavioral, such as reduced appetite or sleep changes, or emotional, such as feeling irritable or frequently sad or tearful. But the following sections present other, less noticeable indicators to look out for that could suggest that your child is going through a tough time.1

Social Withdrawal

Teens who are struggling with low self-worth may lose interest in friends or social activities. It’s important to address social withdrawal early on, as research has shown that teens who are more socially isolated tend to have lower levels of academic achievement, develop more emotional and social adjustment problems later on, experience lower levels of self-esteem, and are at risk for developing mental health problems such as anxiety, depression, and suicidality.2

Self-Criticism

We all engage in self-criticism from time to time, but some teens may be particularly susceptible to viewing themselves in harsh and negative ways most of the time.1 Self-criticism refers to the tendency to have negative or critical thoughts about oneself, or negative evaluations about failing to meet a desired goal or expectation.3 You might notice your teen saying things like, “I’m so ugly/fat/stupid,” or “I always fail,” or “I’ll never do anything right.”

Negative Self-Talk Patterns

It’s normal to feel negative on occasion, but a consistent pattern of negative self-talk can be harmful to your teen’s mental health and wellbeing. Negative self-talk goes hand in hand with self-criticism, but it is a broader concept that describes general mental negativity and mind chatter.4 Self-criticism is a form of negative self-talk, but not all negative self-talk is self-criticism.

Examples of negative self-talk patterns can include ruminating over past situations that haven’t gone well, or exaggerations like “Everything is a disaster,” or “Nothing will ever work out.” Negative self-talk can worsen or lead to conditions like depression and anxiety, indicate or lead to low self-esteem, and potentially lead to social withdrawal and even suicide.4

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Less Noticeable Indicators of Self-Worth Issues

It can be hard to spot the signs of self-worth issues in your teen, especially if they tend to be naturally more introverted or less communicative in general. Some of the less noticeable indicators you might observe can include increased and unexplained physical complaints, such as stomach aches or headaches, poor body image, sleep problems, use of substances like drugs or alcohol, or perfectionism, meaning that your teen sets unrealistically high and often unachievable standards for themselves. 5, 6

The Mental Health Aspect of Teen Self-Esteem & Confidence

A lack of self-esteem, negative self-worth, low levels of confidence, and signs that your teen seems to hate themselves are all potential factors in the development of several mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety, and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).7 Researchers have found that higher levels of self-esteem can play a protective role against these conditions, which is why it’s important to address these concerns sooner rather than later.7

Common Triggers for Self-Hate in Teens

Parents should be aware of common triggers that could cause teens to engage in self-criticism and self-hate. Some of these include:
  • Social media and technology, such as the impact of online comparisons or cyberbullying. One study showed that teens who used social media more than 3 hours a day had a higher risk of depression and anxiety.
  • Academic pressure, such as exceedingly high expectations from parents and teachers, or anxiety related to their academic performance and future.
  • Family dynamics, such as parental or sibling conflict, divorce, or dysfunctional relationships.
  • Mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, and other disorders, as well as the associated stigma surrounding these conditions.5
  • Social concerns, such as loneliness, social isolation, difficulty making friends, or a lack of healthy relationships.

Immediate Ways to Support Your Teen’s Self-Image

Fostering a healthy, positive relationship with your teen is an important step toward combating self-hate and supporting your teen’s self-image. Some helpful tips include:
  • Open communication, such as by encouraging discussions about your teen’s feelings, engaging in active listening, and validating their emotions.
  • Involving school counselors, teachers, or support staff in cases of bullying, academic concerns, or other school-related issues.
  • Modeling positive behavior, such as demonstrating self-compassion and resilience, or discussing your own personal challenges and how you cope with them.
  • Teaching them effective coping skills, such as ways to handle stress, anxiety, and challenges. This can include healthy communication skills, mindfulness, meditation, or relaxation techniques that help them manage their emotions effectively. If you’re not familiar with these techniques, there are many online resources and books that are geared specifically for teens. 

Long-term Methods of Building Their Self-Worth

Building healthy levels of self-worth and self-esteem can take time. Over the long term, the following tools may help:
  • Journaling. Encourage your teen to keep a journal where they can express their thoughts, feelings, and experiences, which can help them process emotions and recognize their strengths and talents.
  • Goal setting. Help your teen set short- and long-term personal goals that are achievable. Celebrate their accomplishments to reinforce their sense of achievement.
  • Reframing negative self-talk. Teach them how they can identify negative self-talk patterns and replace them with more positive and realistic statements. Encourage them to speak to themselves in a compassionate, supportive manner, as if they were talking to a good friend.
  • Encouraging involvement. Participating in extracurricular activities, hobbies, or sports that align with their interests can significantly boost your teen’s sense of self-esteem.
  • Fostering independence and increased responsibility. Consider giving your teen age-appropriate responsibilities at home, such as chores or caring for younger siblings, or encourage community involvement, such as by volunteering or getting a part-time job.
  • Practicing gratitude. Encourage your teen to recognize the things that they are thankful for, which can shift the focus away from negativity and a sense of lack. 

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When to Seek Professional Help

Everyone needs help from time to time, and if your teen is struggling despite your best efforts, it may be time to seek professional assistance. Guardian Recovery’s teen rehab is here to help, and our comprehensive and holistic programs that integrate behavioral and mental health treatment, academic intervention, and family assistance can help improve your teen’s self-esteem and tackle any related concerns. Please call us at 1-888-483-1517 for a free initial phone assessment and discussion of your teen’s needs and situation.

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Disclaimer: Does not guarantee specific treatment outcomes, as individual results may vary. Our services are not a substitute for professional medical advice or diagnosis; please consult a qualified healthcare provider for such matters.

  1. American Academy of Pediatrics. (2022). Signs of Low Self-Esteem in Children & Teens.
  2. Lin H, Harrist AW, Lansford JE, Pettit GS, Bates JE, Dodge KA. Adolescent social withdrawal, parental psychological control, and parental knowledge across seven years: A developmental cascade model. J Adolesc. 2020;81:124-134. doi:10.1016/j.adolescence.2020.04.007
  3. Egan SJ, Rees CS, Delalande J, et al. A Review of Self-Compassion as an Active Ingredient in the Prevention and Treatment of Anxiety and Depression in Young People. Adm Policy Ment Health. 2022;49(3):385-403. doi:10.1007/s10488-021-01170-2
  4. Cleveland Clinic. (2022). Constantly Down on Yourself? How To Stop Negative Self-Talk.
  5. Bluth K, Lathren C, Park J, et al. Feasibility, acceptability, and depression outcomes of a randomized controlled trial of Mindful Self-Compassion for Teens (MSC-T) for adolescents with subsyndromal depression. J Adolesc. 2024;96(2):322-336. doi:10.1002/jad.12277
  6. Rende, R. (2023). I’m a Parent and a Psychologist: Here Are 5 Signs of Low Self-Worth in Kids.
  7. Henriksen IO, Ranøyen I, Indredavik MS, Stenseng F. The role of self-esteem in the development of psychiatric problems: a three-year prospective study in a clinical sample of adolescents. Child Adolesc Psychiatry Ment Health. 2017;11:68. Published 2017 Dec 29. doi:10.1186/s13034-017-0207-y
  8. Riehm KE, Feder KA, Tormohlen KN, et al. Associations Between Time Spent Using Social Media and Internalizing and Externalizing Problems Among US Youth. JAMA Psychiatry. 2019;76(12):1266-1273. doi:10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2019.2325

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Reviewed professionally for accuracy by:

Ryan Soave

L.M.H.C.

Ryan Soave brings deep experience as a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, certified trauma therapist, program developer, and research consultant for Huberman Lab at Stanford University Department of Neurobiology. Post-graduation from Wake Forest University, Ryan quickly discovered his acumen for the business world. After almost a decade of successful entrepreneurship and world traveling, he encountered a wave of personal and spiritual challenges; he felt a calling for something more. Ryan returned to school and completed his Master’s Degree in Mental Health Counseling. When he started working with those suffering from addiction and PTSD, he found his passion. He has never looked back.

Written by:

Picture of Stacy Mosel

Stacy Mosel

Stacy Mosel, LMSW, is a licensed social worker, psychotherapist, and substance use disorder specialist. With a Master of Social Work from New York University, she has extensive training in therapy and in the identification and treatment of substance use and mental health disorders.

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The information provided on this website is intended solely for educational and informational purposes. Guardian Recovery aims to improve the quality of life for individuals struggling with substance use or mental health disorders by offering fact-based content about behavioral health conditions, treatment options, and related outcomes. However, this information should not be considered a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Important Notes:

The content on this site is believed to be current and accurate at the time of posting, but medical information is constantly evolving.
Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider regarding any questions or concerns about your health or medical condition.
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Guardian Recovery does not provide free medical advice. For personalized treatment recommendations, please consult with a licensed healthcare professional.

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