Has someone ever described you as codependent? Codependency is an unhealthy relationship style consisting of poor boundaries. Many are familiar with this term but may not be able to identify these patterns in their own lives and relationships. Beginning to understand the markers of a codependent lifestyle is one of the first steps to regaining your true and independent life filled with emotionally healthy relationships.
If you or someone you love would like help identifying unhealthy thinking or lifestyle patterns, contact Guardian Recovery today. Our network of treatment facilities are national leaders in the treatment of mental health and substance use disorders. Call today to speak with a treatment advisor. They will be able to assess your needs and guide you to the next step of your recovery journey. The life you deserve is waiting for you at Guardian Recovery.
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What is Codependency?
Codependency is a learned pattern of behavior consisting of unhealthy emotional attachment. Also referred to as “relationship addiction”, codependent people look to others around them to meet their emotional needs. Those with codependent tendencies look outside of themselves for a sense of identity and value.
Other common characteristics of codependency include:
- Difficulty setting boundaries or saying “no.”
- Difficulty making decisions or establishing one’s own identity.
- A strong desire to control others.
- Trouble with intimacy.
- An unhealthy sense of responsibility.
- Enabling or overlooking unhealthy behaviors.
- Frequent “self sacrificing” behaviors.
- Frustration when “self sacrificing” efforts go unacknowledged.
Codependency and Substance Use
Relationships involving a substance use disorder will frequently involve some level of codependency. One member of the relationship will feel overly responsible for the wellbeing of the other. Their joy or satisfaction will be tied to the joy and satisfaction of their relational counterpart leading to a host of unhealthy dynamics. Common unhealthy relational dynamics include enabling addictive behavior and rescuing from consequences of poor decision making.
Enabling
Enabling is the hallmark of any codependent relationship. It can be defined as any action that will help facilitate a negative pattern of behavior. These enabling behaviors will include some form of rescuing or protecting another from the consequences of poor decisions.
Enabling typically finds its roots in a desire to help and protect a loved one, but often results in causing more harm. Often described as a “pillow to fall on,” enabling behaviors keep those making poor decisions from experiencing the logical and necessary consequences of their actions. This process will typically prolong the period of poor decision making leading to increased consequences as poor decision making continues.
Enabling and Substance Use Disorders
Enabling is often present in the life of someone with a substance use disorder. A loved one coming to the rescue of a person’s continued negative lifestyle choices will allow them to continue making these choices without consequences. These consequences are required to begin the process of change. Without them, someone living with a substance use disorder will continue unhealthy behavior patterns with increasingly severe ramifications.
Types of Enabling
Enabling describes a wide variety of codependent behaviors. These behaviors may be difficult to identify.
They can include:
- Denial — The refusal to acknowledge the existence or severity of an unhealthy behavior like a substance use disorder.
- Justification — Agreeing with or developing excuses for the unhealthy behavior.
- Avoiding — Turning to other activities in order to refuse confrontation of unhealthy lifestyle choices.
- Taking Responsibility — Stepping in to manage areas of life that the other person is unable to manage due to their poor decisions.
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How Do I Know If I am Codependent?
Many times, codependency can be difficult to identify. Though the frustrating results of codependency may be obvious, the underlying patterns often go unrecognized. Here are a few questions to ask yourself that will help identify codependent behaviors in your own life.
- Do I feel overly responsible for others?
- Do I have difficulty setting boundaries or asking for what I want in relationships?
- Do I feel guilty for saying “no”?
- Do I “give in” to avoid a confrontation?
- Is my happiness directly linked to my partner’s happiness?
- Do I discount or ignore my genuine feelings in order to keep another person happy?
- Am I easily pressured into doing things that I am uncomfortable with?
Though this is not an exhaustive list, answering these questions honestly will help identify codependent tendencies. Once you are able to identify these unhealthy patterns, you will then have the option to address and overcome each one.
Overcoming Codependency
Codependency is a learned behavior. This is good news because it means that you are able to unlearn these behavior patterns and replace them with a healthy one. Like any new activity, the process of overcoming codependency may be uncomfortable at first. Though this initial discomfort may be a deterrent, the eventual result of your new lifestyle will be consumed with healthy relationships and the freedom to be your true genuine self.
Boundaries
An important key to establishing healthy relationships and overcoming codependency is setting boundaries. Like a “No Trespassing” sign, boundaries set a clear limit of what is an acceptable limit for people in your life. Boundaries are the guidelines that you are able to follow in order to take back control of your life.
Life With No Boundaries
Picture an abandoned building with no doors or windows located in a highly populated area. Typically, do you find that these buildings are well taken care of by those who visit? Often this is not the case. More than likely you will find that this establishment will be taken advantage of, uncared for, and abandoned after it serves its purpose.
This is the picture of a life without boundaries. Because there is no boundary, anyone is able to come and go as they please taking advantage of the resources that are readily available. When there are no boundaries, there is no requirement or expectation of behaviors sending the signal that any form of behavior is acceptable.
Setting Boundaries
Though we must accept that we cannot control others’ behavior, we can control our participation in that behavior. Clearly communicating what you are willing to accept will allow others to decide to abide by your boundaries or not. Remaining firm and consistent with your boundaries will send the message that you are no longer willing to compromise on your limits of welcomed behavior from others.
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Working With a Therapist
Working with a licensed therapist will help you identify patterns of codependency. If left untreated, codependency can lead to other mental health concerns like anxiety or depression. A mental health professional can offer a fresh perspective to these behaviors and establish the root cause. Once you have identified the problem areas, a therapist will be able to work with you to establish a path forward to overcome these destructive patterns of thinking. They will provide you with the tools needed to move forward to the freedom from codependency you deserve.
The Next Step
If you or someone you love is codependent, contact Guardian Recovery today. Our network of therapists are national leaders in identifying and treating unhealthy patterns of thinking. With office locations nationwide, overcoming codependency is within reach. You do not have to feel powerless any longer. Contact Guardian Recovery today.
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Disclaimer: Does not guarantee specific treatment outcomes, as individual results may vary. Our services are not a substitute for professional medical advice or diagnosis; please consult a qualified healthcare provider for such matters.
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