How Growing Up in an Alcoholic Home Can Affect Children

Psycho-Emotional Effects of Alcoholism on Children

Growing up with one or both parents with alcohol use disorder (AUD) has been associated with various psychological and emotional challenges in children. They tend to experience stress, conflict, and considerable family dysfunction instead of feeling safe and protected. As a result, they are at higher risk of encountering emotional difficulties than their peers, with many suffering neglect or abuse in the home.

To survive in this chaotic environment, these children can spontaneously develop coping strategies that, although practical at the time, are ultimately maladaptive when they carry over into adulthood. Moreover, as a child grows up and encounters safe and secure relationships, these adaptations are no longer helpful. They are more likely to interfere with their capacity to show love and accept love. (1)

The way children deal with significant psychological stress varies depending on their age. For example, elementary students may exhibit aggressiveness, irritability, and clinginess. They may also attempt to avoid attending school or withdraw from friends and activities. On the other hand, adolescents often display agitation, delinquent behavior, and eating and sleep disturbances. (2)

Compared to their peers, children of parents who misuse substances exhibit increased rates of anxiety and depression. By early adulthood, children of alcoholics have rates of mood disorders nearly double those of their peers. (3) However, the feelings and related behavior of children exposed to parental alcoholism vary far and wide. They can encompass every aspect of their lives and persist well into adulthood. These include, but are not limited to, the following:

Guilt & Remorse

Children often blame themselves for their parent’s alcoholism, thinking they are at fault for their parent’s desire to drink. (4) Although this is far from true, it can be easy for a child still developing emotionally to make those inferences. As a result, they may struggle with guilt for years, whether or not they are doing so consciously.

Embarrassment & Shame

Alcoholism tends to be surrounded by secrecy, so children are often hesitant to talk about their home life to their teachers or other adults. In addition, they may avoid having friends over or participating in social activities for fear of humiliation if they believe their parents will become intoxicated.

Anger

Children of alcoholic parents often harbor a great deal of anger and resentment, which can be targeted at their parents or other adults for failing to notice or act on their behalf. This anger can profoundly affect a child’s academic performance, social interactions, and ability to communicate their frustration productively versus lashing out at others in rage.

Anxiety & Hypervigilance

Children in alcoholic environments often experience distress, fear, or trauma, causing them to develop a heightened awareness of their surroundings, or hypervigilance. (5) Children raised by alcoholic parents often feel powerless. They may have an intense need for control due to the environmental instability and uncertainty they experience. They may begin to perceive problems that aren’t there and experience excessive anxiety and worry, which worsens as they grow up and enter adulthood.

Low Self-Esteem

Because children depend on caregivers, their self-perception tends to reflect those of parents, guardians, and authority figures. As a result, children who grow up with alcoholic parents tend to feel abandoned by them and less worthy of love and attention. This can undermine their self-esteem, and reaching out to teachers, authorities, or trusted adults can be even more frightening. (6)